A $20 Million Lesson: Breaking Free from People Pleasing and Self-Sabotage
I am not one to know much about the world of sports, but in passing through my living room, I saw something disturbing while my dad was watching the weekly sports updates:
Ja Morant is facing suspension after his second documented gun incident.
And I know that the NBA world is up in arms (no pun intended) about the incident and about the man (barely, being so young and all). But me, well, I am up in arms about the point that is missing: Morant has it all, everything that he has worked toward, and yet, he continues to do the things that he is comfortable with, with the people he is comfortable with and put his friends and family before his dreams.
This is a classic case of people pleasing as a form of self-sabotage.
Today I want to explore the intricate relationship between people-pleasing and self-sabotage, and how it can affect your overall well-being - and success. Let’s delve into the concept of living yoga off the mat and discover three actionable tips to overcome people-pleasing tendencies in order to enhance your desire to prioritize self-care and self-approval with the hopes it’ll lead you (Morant, here’s looking at you, if you’re reading) to end the cycle of self-sabotage.
Let’s start with a quick review/ definition of people-pleasing and self-sabotage:
People pleasing is a behavioral pattern characterized by an excessive need for external validation and approval. Individuals who engage in people pleasing often prioritize others' needs and desires over their own, constantly seeking affirmation and avoiding conflict or disappointment. This compulsive tendency can lead to a host of negative consequences, including a loss of personal identity, diminished self-worth, and increased stress and anxiety.
If you have been following Morant’s story, you will find that he rushes to the aid of his mother at his own expense, surrounds himself with people that don’t have his best interests at heart, and chooses meeting their needs and expectations over his own. Of course, I am but an observer on the outside looking in, so this is definitely based on my opinion and observations.
Self-sabotage refers to any self-defeating behavior or action that hinders our progress or prevents us from achieving our goals. It is often rooted in deep-seated fears, insecurities, and limiting beliefs. In the context of people pleasing, self-sabotage may manifest as a subconscious resistance to personal growth or success, driven by the fear of displeasing others or facing rejection.
Based on his behaviors, Morant is removing $20M from his own pocket by choosing the stay stuck - showing up as the kid who has nothing to lose when he in fact has everything to lose. It appears to be driven by the fear of displeasing others - his momma, his boys, his old persona and/ or reputation. But, he is repeating behaviors that are sabotaging his career.
Can you relate?
You think you would do something different in his shoes, but where have you done something similar in your own life?
Where have you chosen family traditions and friends for being included above your own well-being and success?
There is a solution! We can combat this tendency by living yoga off the mat. Yoga extends beyond the physical practice on the mat; it encompasses a holistic approach to life, promoting self-awareness, mindfulness, and self-acceptance. Applying yoga principles off the mat means aligning our actions and mindset with our authentic selves, fostering a harmonious relationship between mind, body, and spirit.
Here is what I recommend to avoid mistakes that may seem small, but could end up being $20M mistakes if they become such ingrained habits.
Tips to Overcome People Pleasing and Prioritize Self-Care:
1. Cultivate Self-Awareness:
The first step to breaking free from the people-pleasing cycle is to develop self-awareness. Observe your thoughts, emotions, and actions, noticing patterns of behavior that indicate a tendency to prioritize others over yourself. By recognizing the triggers and underlying motivations behind people pleasing, you can begin to consciously choose a different path.
2. Practice Setting Boundaries:
Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is essential in reclaiming your personal power and nurturing self-worth. Start by identifying your values, needs, and desires, and communicate them assertively to others. Remember that saying "no" to others when it aligns with your authentic self is an act of self-care, not selfishness.
3. Cultivate Self-Compassion:
Developing a strong sense of self-compassion is crucial in increasing your desire to please yourself rather than seeking validation externally. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness, embracing imperfections and celebrating your unique qualities. Prioritize self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul, such as meditation, journaling, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.
By breaking free from the grips of people pleasing and self-sabotage, we empower ourselves to live more authentic, fulfilling lives. Incorporating the principles of yoga off the mat, we can cultivate self-awareness, set healthy boundaries, and nurture self-compassion, thus unlocking a greater desire to please ourselves and embrace our true selves with love and acceptance. Remember, the journey to self-discovery and self-approval is a lifelong practice that requires patience, dedication, and commitment.
And if you know Morant, please let him know we are routing for him to make the changes to end his own self-sabotage.